We’ll Get Through This

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My poor blog.  It has been months since I’ve posted.  Three months. Where did the time go?  Really. Where did it go?  I’ve been meaning to get back on and post for some time now, but I just could not drag myself to do it.  I’ve been too tired.  Too overwhelmed.  I’ve been avoiding writing.

For a while I told myself that I just didn’t have anything new to write.  I told myself that we were really not dealing with much that was OCD, so what was the point in posting on a blog that’s about OCD?  I told myself we were dealing with typical teenage struggles – and we were, but we have been dealing with so much more.

The truth is, over the last several months our family was preparing for Michael to leave home.  A little over one month ago, he moved completely across the country to begin college.  The hubby was a wreck.  He cried and cried.  Two days before Michael moved, we went through his book collection to see what could be donated or handed down.  We found Good Night Moon.  Michael lay in his father’s arms on his bed while I read it aloud and the two of them sobbed.  I, on the other hand, am apparently made of steel.  Other than an achy hole in my gut, I haven’t broken down.  That’s because I know he’s happy where he is.  Sometimes, I do want one of his amazing hugs, and I am counting the days until we get to see him over Family Weekend.

While things with Michael were looking up, Blake was spiraling deeper and deeper into a hole.  I hope to share more specifics in the weeks to come; however, what happened, in a nutshell, is that Blake became deeply, disturbingly depressed. OCD became less of an issue because depression had taken over.  As summer progressed, Blake began to have a tougher and tougher time with the basics of daily living.  My mornings were filled with simply pushing and prodding him through the basic routine:  get out of bed, brush your teeth, put on clothes, eat breakfast, take your medicine, and stay awake.  Stay awake!!

I was so completely immersed in the situation that it wasn’t until I was nearly ready to collapse from exhaustion that I recognized how bad the situation was. Blake’s sleep schedule was completely derailed, he couldn’t get out of bed or stay awake in the morning, and he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) go to sleep at night.  He didn’t want to see any friends.  He didn’t want to leave the house.  All he wanted to do, it seemed, was argue with my husband and I (and sit on the computer, lost in YouTube videos).  All my hubby’s and my time alone together was taken up talking about what we were going to do about Blake.  It was tiresome business.

It is not unusual for depression to enter the picture when a teen has OCD.  Blake’s psychiatrist has been suitably concerned and has made some changes.  When I questioned some of the changes we were making, he advised me that we are working to prevent a hospitalization or a placement in a more restrictive academic setting.  So, we’ve implemented some medication changes and we are working on some big changes around the house.  I also hope to share more about that in the time to come.

Before he left for college, I caught myself looking at Michael during some of the most tumultuous moments.  I kept thinking that somewhere inside of him he must be worried about leaving at the time his family was experiencing bursts of upheaval.

“We are going to be okay,” I found myself saying to him.  Go to school.  Get out there and live.  We’ve got this.  We’ll get through it.

As I sit here writing this evening, it is only because we’ve had some improvements in the past week that I can actually gather my thoughts and write.  We are going to be okay.  We just have to face some new challenges and hone our coping tools.  We’ll get through this.

6 thoughts on “We’ll Get Through This

  1. Indeed. You WILL get through this! Think back on all the previous VERY difficult times in your life. Things ALWAYS get better. This time will be the same. I know this because I have been in treatment for OCD for 25+ years. OCD destroyed my marriage and my career.

    But today I am managing this terrible disease. Today I will live a day full of OCD challenges that several good doctors have taught me to manage. It will not be a perfect day, but it will be a day where the quality of my life will be good enough so that life is worth living. I will experience some happiness today.

    Tomorrow my day may be easier, or harder. I will manage what tomorrow brings … tomorrow.

    Keep the faith. Things WILL get better! They ALWAYS do!

  2. I’ve missed you, Angie, and my heart aches to read about all that you and your family are dealing with. Saying goodbye to the oldest is a terrible wrench – your thoughts about that brought tears to my eyes, remembering how hard it was. And to have it all compounded by the consuming concern for your younger son…oh, dear. I have an idea what you’re going through there, as well. Not only do I have the memories of my husband’s years of debilitating depression, but our younger daughter is struggling mightily with it now, too. For me there’s a tangible fear involved when one of my children is fighting the horrible blackness of depression. I’m sending you prayers and good thoughts and hugs.

    1. Hi! I’ve missed you, too. There’s been a void in my WordPress community… I thought about you as we prepared for Michael to launch (and you know I read your experiences with much interest in the whole year before he moved). I also know you understand depression on many levels. Thinking of you and your family! And it’s nice to hear from you! – Angie

  3. While I was so happy to see your blog post in my Inbox, my heart sank when I read things aren’t going well with Blake. But you’re right. You will get through this. He will improve. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and I hope Michael is loving college!

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