We are home from our family vacation. Michael is back at college and Blake, the hubby, and I returned home a little over a week ago. I noted in my previous post that Blake was actually enjoying things we did on vacation. In fact, the rest of us had been tired and had been ready to call off a trip to observe and swim with manatees. Blake told us how it had been a dream of his to participate in this activity. Blake, for whom depression is ever-present, rarely shares that he has any dreams, so we absolutely had to rally and make the adventure happen.
I am happy to follow up and share that the adventure was unbelievable. If you ever have the opportunity to float in the water with these gentle giants, I highly recommend it. We went out in the bay with a well-informed guide and captain. They taught us about manatees and what we could and could not do. After learning that we were not to touch, pursue, or dive after the manatees, we got quietly into the water where several were in the area, and we did a “dead man’s float.”
After a bit of time, a manatee surfaced under my feet and began to swim the length of my body. It was exhilarating, and it took everything in me not to erupt into a fit of giggles. Our little group was very patient and several manatees took interest in us, nuzzling their faces into ours and basically hanging out with us for over an hour. Our captain told us that our experience was not the norm – we had been given a gift.
When the day ended, and we changed back into our clothing, Michael, the hubby, and I thanked Blake for asserting himself. The manatees were a highlight of our time together. Blake agreed. For him, the boy with OCD who used to stay out of the water because it was contaminated, it was a dream come true. In the fog that mental illness has enveloped him in over these last few years, it was one more clear day.
The OCD in the Family family is on vacation. We are currently in Florida, in a small town on the Atlantic Ocean. The hubby, Michael, and Blake are in their rooms sleeping off the frenzied pace of the last five days. I walk the coast alone in what is unseasonably cold weather, but my heart is warmed by what I’ve experienced in my younger son on this journey.
Michael, our older son, has always enjoyed travel and is up for new adventures constantly. Blake, however, is a different story. He is usually extremely uncomfortable out of his usual environment. For as long as I can remember, he’s felt overwhelmed by new places, sounds, foods, smells, people, and, well – you name it. Compound this with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and, in the last two plus years, major depression, and you have a recipe for a very challenging family vacation experience. We’ve gone on many a vacation where Blake stayed behind in the hotel room or the car, or only went out with us after substantial begging (usually pleading to go back to the car to wait as soon as we’d allow it).
This Time, It’s Different
This vacation, however, has been different. Blake wasn’t particularly interested in going on this vacation. As usual, he came along because we were going. Then something started to happen that none of us could have predicted; he started to enjoy himself.
I first noticed it when we were at Epcot. If you’ve never been to this Walt Disney World park (as we never had before), it consists of a Future World (East and West) and a World Showcase, which features different countries around the world in street scenes, attractions, and food offerings. After a long, cold day in the park, I began to walk more quickly through some sections of countries in the World Showcase. Blake slowed me down, though.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to all these countries,” Blake said. “I want to see everything I can while we are here.” Then he proceeded to walk down every corridor and alleyway he could find.
The next thing I noticed was that Blake picked out a meal for himself at the Kennedy Space Center. Blake, whose OCD often centers around food choices (or, should I say, problems with the food choices around him), at first said he would forgo eating anything at the Center’s cafeterias. He would wait and eat food he was comfortable with back in the car. The next thing I knew, he had a tray filled with food, and even a dessert of astronaut ice cream. He joined us at the cafeteria table and ate, something he hasn’t done in years.
Last night, he had a long discussion with the hubby about all the places in the world he would like to see. What? Blake wants to see the world? He named off basically every country in the world – the more different from our country, the more he seemed interested.
“What about traveling for leisure?” the hubby asked him.
“The thing is, I’m so uncomfortable traveling, I couldn’t relax.” Blake answered, “I may as well go somewhere I can see things and learn about different cultures.”
Manatees in the Morning
This morning, as Michael, the hubby, and I ate breakfast (Blake was sleeping in), we decided to call off our manatee excursion for the next day. It was too far away, we’d have to leave too early, and it was just too cold for swimming in rivers. Plus, we’d been moving at breakneck speed for several days. It would be nice to have one more leisurely day.
We took it as a given that Blake wouldn’t mind the cancellation. So the hubby went off to call the tour company and I took a breakfast tray in to Blake.
“Dad’s cancelling the manatee tour and swim for tomorrow,” I told Blake. “That way we can take it a little easier.”
Blake’s face contorted into a pained grimace.
“Are you reacting to the manatees?” I asked.
“Did you really want to swim with them?”
“More than anything,” he said, “but I can wait…if that’s what everyone else wants.”
“Let me see what I can do,” I said, as I bolted out of the room. It just rarely happens that Blake wants to do anything, and I wanted to reward his speaking up. I caught the hubby on the phone talking to the tour operator. I waved wildly for his attention, then told him what had occurred.
“Well, it looks like we’ll be coming after all,” he told the tour operator.
I went to tell Blake that the manatee adventure was on and the glee in his expression told me I’d done the right thing.
I Don’t Know What’s Going On, But I’ll Take It
I told the hubby how excited Blake was about the manatee tour. He and I marveled over the exciting things happening with our son on this vacation. The young man who normally doesn’t want to leave home, who only wants to read about the world instead of live in it, and who regularly says he dislikes himself and much of the world has had a few positive days where he seems to actually want to be here and to experience life.
Afterward, Blake and I perused the library at our lodging. He marveled over the books and wished he had more days here to sit and read. He supposed one thousand hours might do. As we passed through the hubby’s and my room, Blake shared his sentiments with his dad.
“You know, Dad, I’ve changed my mind about leisure vacations. Sometimes it would just be nice to sit and read a good book on vacation for hours on end.”